Things academics say

Here is a short compilation of quotes from cosmologists and astrophysics giving talks in our Department or during conferences. Some are brutal.

“All these detections of cores are, to put it mildly, not robust ”                           Carlos Frenk

“Does anybody else here work on cores? … If so, stop working on that! ”       Carlos Frenk

“To be fair, if we’d spend all that money on THIS question, we could tell you.” – “Well you should! Is there anything more important?”                                                           Carlos Frenck and Matt Auger

During talk, George facepalms when a plot from paper X is shown. At the end he puts his hand up. “At the start, you mentionned a… tension. What do you think the situation is?” – “… well …  there is a tension?” – ” (interrupting) that paper … (pauses to think) … gets my vote for the worst paper written this year so far.” – long, awkward silence. students snicker. – speaker: “… do you want to ellaborate?” – “… yes, I CAN ellaborate.” Proceeds to wreck paper X.

Comment at end of talk: “Well, mostly it’s the color scheme chosen to confuse the audience”

Raises hand: “I don’t believe any of it.”

“But I discussed high velocity winds! I mentionned them just so I could… squash the claim!”                                      Ann Zabludoff

“Never don’t use a model. If a model is wrong, the data will remove it for you.”         David Hogg

Question from audience: “Is that supposed to be the message? That this really doesn’t work?” … it was not.

“To be able to convince yourself, and to convince other people, that you’re physically motivated”                                                                     Matthew Smith


Charged Thin-shell Gravastars in Noncommutative Geometry and Cosmic Censorship

This paper considers an alternative to black holes, gravastars, in which different types of spacetimes are glued together with appropriate junction conditions. One nice feature is that gravastars do not need to involve event horizons.

The topic is mathematically rather opaque and not within my expertise by a stretch. It deserves a mention for the spelling mistake ‘cut and past technique’ which appears twice in this paper.

Best accidental pun in an academic paper award!

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